Home Sweet Home

Well, we've done it. With the help of our family, we're all moved into our new home. We still have to wrap up things at the old house, but that's mostly cleaning and a bit of yard work. We have a long to-do list here at the new house, but things are going so smoothly. I want to send a HUGE thank you to our family, that helped us move (one load, yeah!), brought us eats, treats, and have continued to help us with unpacking and such. We haven't gotten around to taking pictures yet, but we won't forget to share them with all of you.

The house is amazing. It's definitely the nicest home I've ever lived in, that's for sure. We're calling it our "early retirement" since taking out our retirement money helped us afford it. Oh well - it's what our family needs. Harper has already been asking when Norah gets to come home to the new house. I just hug and squeeze him, and tell him that someday she'll come home. She'll have her own room. She'll have everything she needs here. It won't be easy to care for her with her medical needs, but we're willing to do whatever it takes.

Yesterday we found out that Norah is going to need glasses. Nearsightedness is related to her condition. We have to go to the opthamologist every three months to make sure her retinas are intact. Her retinas looked good, but he did say that she had mild myopia (nearsightedness), and will require glasses when it's age-appropriate. Our appointment took seemingly forever. We were there for hours, mostly waiting. You would think that they would allow a trach/vented patient to be bumped to the front of the line. We had battery life, oxygen tanks, and respiratory fragility/virus susceptibility to worry about, but that didn't seem to speed us through the appointment like it does at other clinics. As a result, Norah hit her new record on the home vent: four hours.

With the excitement of moving as well as Norah's success on transports (with the home ventilator, photo left), I eagerly asked South Davis when they thought she'd be able to go home for a few hours for a day trip. Exciting, right? Wrong. They don't think insurance will allow us to take her home. They think if she's well enough to go home, even for a few hours, she should be well enough to move from LTAC (Long Term Acute Care, with a better nurse to patient ratio of like 1:4) to skilled nursing (where the ratio is something like 1:8). I was pretty much crushed. I wanted to cry. I didn't. I think I'm just too tired of crying so often throughout the last year. I'm still going to hold on to hope that she will be able to come home for a day trip, insurance be damned. I want to show Norah her room. I want to cuddle her in the rocking chair, play on the carpeted floor, have family snuggle time in mommy and daddy's bed, and let her take a nap in her own crib. I want to sit her in the grass in the yard, and show her the flowers and the dragonflies. I want a little taste of normalcy, even if it's only for a short time. Sigh. Patience was never my strong suit, but I'm working on it.

Life As We Know It

Sometimes I think about what sort of blogger I'd like to be. Certainly, I hadn't planned on this blog evolving into a place that people would go for the occasional cry. It seems that it has turned out that way. I drool over some of my favorite knitting blogs, crafty blogs, home DIY blogs, and creative writing blogs. That is not my life right now, but that's okay. Maybe moving into this new house will spur my creativity. Or maybe I'll be too exhausted to blog about it anyway. Or maybe not. We'll see.

My mom was here for almost three weeks, and it sped by far too quickly. Below are some photos from the last month. There are quite a few, so I've squeezed them in. Be sure to click for full view!

Sweaty sleeper

 

Cuddles!

The playful otters at the aquarium were so much fun!

Harper was mesmerized by the lit jellyfish.

Love this girl.

Auntie Kelli came! I love this picture because they're making the same face. Miss you, Kel... say hi to the pacific northwest for us!

Peekaboo with Auntie Emily

Life as we know it.

Go Norah, Go! She had an endocrinology appointment in SLC on August 10th. It was her first transport for an appointment since she's been trach'd. She did fantastic and was on the home ventilator the entire time! It was also her first time being rained on. It sure exhausted her (afterwards she slept from 4pm-9am), but it was such a wonderful day.

Harper doesn't have a DVD to watch when we drive the Mazda instead of the Tahoe. This is what typically happens.

 

Harper and dad enjoying the recliner at the hospital. Apparently, it's hilarious.

Roots

My homesickness for Seattle is no secret. I miss the weather. I miss the water. I miss the culture, the people, and the whole PNW vibe. I miss vegetarian-friendly restaurants and grocery stores. I miss the breeze and the intense greenery of the Emerald City. I miss it all (well, except for the traffic and high cost of living). But there are things that Utah has that Seattle doesn't. Most of Jeff's family is here, and they've proven invaluable in these recent years. And Utah also has... hmm... well... okay so the family is what keeps us here. When we moved here, we had hoped it would be for about five years, then we'd move back. That just doesn't appear to be in the cards right now. So we've decided to plant some roots.

We are eager for Norah to be able to come home, but we can't bear to bring her home to this house we're in now. Our landlords are fantastic, and the rent is a great price, but we need a house better suited to Norah's needs. We began the rental search, only to find that our needs and our rental budget didn't match. After exploring several options, we decided to buy a house. Yes, those are some pretty thick roots to be planting.

With the financial burdens that we've been facing lately, we knew a home purchase wouldn't be an easy feat. So we brought out the big guns and bit the bullet (not sure exactly how that saying works, but I've said it). Jeff and I withdrew hefty chunks from our retirement funds in order to be able to pay off one of our auto loans to in turn afford a mortgage, put money down on the house, afford the move, and hopefully get some furniture. Sure, we may be mad at ourselves in about thirty years... but maybe we'll strike it rich by then. Besides, our retirement funds were only losing money. Perhaps this will be a better investment. We may need you to remind us of these things when retirement time rolls around.

The house is fantastic, and suits our needs perfectly. The scary thing is that now we are completely tapped out. Financially, we have little to fall back on in an emergency, but we always think of something... right?

So it's a quick close, scheduled for August 15th. Then we hope to move (from Layton to Farmington) the following weekend, on the 18th. Fortunately, our family (big strong Gunnells) will be helping. Remember what I said about Utah having things that Seattle doesn't? ;) We still hope to move back to Seattle someday, it just appears that it will be much farther out that we had originally planned.

Settled In

After an uneventful transport via ambulance, we made it from Primary Children's to South Davis. We're all settled in, and Norah is doing great. She's getting used to all the new people, but she doesn't seem to notice too much of a difference thus far. That girl is just so easy going. Harper calls South Davis "the little hospital', and I think in some ways he is more comfortable there. He doesn't have to face a constant flow of people in and out of Norah's room, though I must say that our shy little boy was getting pretty comfy with some of the nurses and therapists (I'm talking about you, Ce-ci-wee).

The staff is getting to know Norah and her needs, but they all mostly seem willing. There are a few concerns, but most of them are hopefully fixable. For example: when I ask a question, I really detest when the response is "I don't know", and the person expects it to be enough. But don't you worry - my follow-up response is usually that I'll be asking their boss. Well, now for the pictures...

This one was a really difficult goodbye. Cecily first took care of Norah when Norah was just three weeks old. They know each other so well, and when they lock eyes, you see love pass between them. Fortunately, Cecily lives only a couple miles from South Davis, and has declared herself to be "Norah's Bulldog". She was our first visitor there too, coming by Tuesday evening to help decorate Norah's room. As a keepsake, I gave her the hospital tag that had been tied to Norah's ankle.

Norah did well on the transport ventilator (the LTV). It was her very first ride upright in a car seat, though she was a bit smooshed. She was entranced by the passing surroundings, and even wiggled her feet before falling asleep towards the end of the 25-minute drive.

An afternoon nap after a long day.

Day 2: Still happy and healthy. I just adore the stars in her eyes when she looks at her daddy. Notice the arm and legs are a blur!

TTFN

Tomorrow is the big day: Norah will be transferring to South Davis in the late morning. We've begun to say our goodbyes, and it has been very emotional. We've become closer to the PICU staff than I ever would have imagined. They've been there to comfort us, to laugh with us, to care for Norah, and to save her life on multiple occasions. So for those of you from PCMC that are blog readers, this one is for you.

Our first admit to PCMC was in August. We went from a clinic appointment to the ED, to the PICU. We were one of those lost families that I've come to recognize by the bewildered looks on their faces. Little did we know that we'd come to feel so at home there. Norah has spent close to nine months out of ten there in the PICU. There are countless nurses, doctors, therapists, techs, clerks, dietitians, consultants, housekeepers, engineers, volunteers, and other miscellaneous staff that have made a world of difference in our lives. I love you guys!

Below is a little sampling of the goodbyes that we've been saying. There are still a few more big ones that will come tomorrow. I know that this transfer is a sound medical decision, but it's difficult to reconcile that decision with what's in everyone's hearts. I only have the best things to say about Primary Children's, and I will always think of that place as our second home. Norah has brought so much warmth and love to the PICU, and now it will be their turn to bring some sunshine to us via visits to South Davis. In the famous words of Tigger, one of Norah's favorites, "TTFN, Ta-Ta For Now!"

Norah and I with Pooh Bear aka Wes, Shawn (one of our Techs) and his wife Kim. 

Our nurse Cara, Norah, and I have bonded over guilty pleasures like Jane Austen, cheesecake recipes, British romance movies, and other things that shall not be named to such a wide audience. ;)

Norah wouldn't smile for the camera at first, but once Liz gave her a big smooch, she was one happy girl! Liz is another one of our favorite nurses. We have so much in common, it's unreal. Go Team Tofu!

I LOVE LOVE LOVE Andrea!! I am going to miss her so much. We had quite the tearful goodbye today that I'm not fully ready to talk about. Love you, Andrea! <3

Success!

Yesterday was a big day for us. With the help of a ton of family, we finally made the move to our new rental house. We're so very appreciative to Mark, Scott, Bayler, Kelli, Colleen, and of course Emily and Ryan (especially since they let us invade their space for much longer than any of us expected). As I've said before... I have the best in-laws!

So we're in the process of get settled. Fortunately, Jeff eked a few extra vacation days from his budget so we can get things in order. Our hope is that we'll stay here in this house until we're ready buy again. Once things are less crazy, I'll see about posting some pictures.

In other news, Jeff treated me to a special birthday evening. I'll share details once we have a proper Internet connection. Hope everyone had a great weekend!

Move Along, Little Doggies

Oh, the joys of moving. Packing has been coming along nicely. We have mounds of boxes and the to-do list is getting shorter. With a little more than a week before our move date, we're feeling much more prepared than last time. I hold onto the excuse that our last move was such a mess because it was out of state and we were juggling our first baby at the same time.

Harper has been "helping" by taking things in and out of boxes. I probably don't have to specify that most of our productive time comes during Harper's nap. We're all becoming more excited as the day approaches. We were worried that my sister-in-law's oldest would be upset about our moving out... but he seems more concerned about which toys we plan to take with us... as any almost-4-year-old should.

Dottie and Dexter seem to notice that a change is coming, too. Though we'll never be able to give them their royal days between racing retirement and Harper's birth, I can't wait to give them the space that they deserve. On the subject of the dogs... we recently learned that Noodle has finally found a new home. I think of her often, and even worry at times. I hope that the long wait was due to the rescue group finding the perfect home (without small children and with a big, fenced backyard). More than anything, I hope she found a home that loves her as much as we did, do, and always will. My heart still aches deeply when I think about how we gave her up, but I just have to remind myself of the reasons that we did. (Miss you so much, my Schnoodelie Boodelie Boo...)

Finally!

I won't go into lengthy detail about our trials and tribulations in our rental home search, but I am excited to say that after a year of searching, we finally found one! We couldn't be more thrilled. Of course, now we will actually have to move. You'd think Jeff and I would be expert movers at this point, sheesh. It's a good thing that due to space constraints, we never fully unpacked from our last move.

It's only a few miles away from my sister-in-law and her family, who have graciously rented their basement to us for the last year and a half. It's hard to think about how much we'll miss her kids, and how sad it will be that Harper won't be playing with them every day anymore. They have so much fun together, so I'm sure we'll all visit often.

We'll take some pictures once we get settled. It's an older house (read: dated appliances and interior... but nothing beats the oven/stove we had in Seattle) with three bedrooms, one and a half bathrooms and a fenced yard for Dottie and Dexter. It's not exactly something that we would purchase, but it meets our needs for the next couple of years until we are ready to buy again. We move at the end of the month, and I'm thrilled!

Snowy Utah

We made it! We are in Utah, and have settled in as best we can while only partially unpacked. We're endlessly thankful that Jeff's sister Emily and her family opened their home to us during this transition. We're also thankful to Jeff's entire family (and my mom!!) for helping with the entire move. The Gunnells are such wonderful people, and I feel fortunate that I am a part of their family.

Things are quite stressful (and disappointing) with selling the Seattle house, but I just keep telling myself that, "It's only money". With so much love all around us, we don't need anything else. I'm just thankful for what we have (which is indeed so much), and especially for our healthy baby boy.

I do admittedly have a few regrets about the move - especially that time flew by so quickly that we didn't have the chance to say some goodbyes that we would have liked to. That pretty much goes for all of our friends in Seattle. Okay, so I don't like goodbyes, but I wish we would have had time for some kind of adios. Heck, we hardly had enough time for a proper packing job. Things are so much more challenging with little Harper, though I wouldn't change that for anything.

Harper was such a good boy on the trip down here. He is growing so fast. I can hardly believe that he is almost four months old. I'm pretty sure he's starting to teethe, because he has been getting fussy now and then, and has been gnawing on his fingers like they're made of candy.

Moving here is admittedly a bit of a culture-shock compared to Seattle, but I am sure it will grow on me. I am already loving the snow (there are a few inches on the ground right now). Only time will tell what is in store for our little family - but I am sure it is only good things.

Last Days and Belly Laughs

Our last days in Seattle are upon us. Packing and preparing for the move has proved to be a huge challenge while taking care of Harper. I have been feeling overwhelmed with the never-ending to-do list and upcoming changes (including going back to work in January... which is a saddening topic for another day). My mom was a tremendous help, and I have no idea how we would have gotten things done without her! We're getting closer to being totally ready - hopefully we will be fully ready when it's time to go!

So with these stresses (including being a bit sad about leaving Seattle), I've felt a bit down... but that changed last night. Harper and I were playing together after he ate, and he was in a goofy, happy mood. After I gave him a little "bloop bloop" tickle on the tip of his button nose, he let out the most adorable laugh from the depths of his belly. As you've seen from the various pictures on the blog, he has a big, bright and contagious smile. We knew it was only a matter of time before he let out an equally vibrant laugh. I'm sure it sounds like a cliche, but it was like angels singing to my heart. He's a talkative and happy baby. We are so fortunate to have him in our lives. He gives meaning to life, and I am reminded that all of these changes are for him. The hardships we face pale in comparison to those that others go through. That little laugh set things right, and reminded me what the Thanksgiving holiday is all about. Enjoy the happy (somewhat blurry) picture below... note the drool streaming from his mouth. :)


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Happy Days

Every time Harper flashes one of his beautiful smiles, my heart fills with such deep joy. He is such a happy baby! Don't get me wrong - we have our fair share of tears, pouty lips, and even some screams here and there. But those times are so easy to forget when he lights up like in the picture to the left, when I was taking him out of his swing.

So our move is just a couple of short weeks away and I'm a bit stressed out. It is really difficult to get things done with a baby in tow. (Emily - I don't know how you manage with a new baby and a toddler!) Fortunately, my wonderful mom is going to come up for another visit to help us pack. Of course, it is also a great excuse for her to come see the three of us. :) I was touched when she offered. It reminded me of the times in grade school when she would offer to help bail me out with homework that I hadn't done. At least this time the reason for procrastinating is a legitimate one!

A Gulp of Bittersweet

I adore Seattle. Jeff and I coincidentally (and individually) have wanted to move up here for the longest time. It was a dream come true when we finally did. We love the striking greenery of the Emerald City, and the friendliness of the entire area. We love the lakes, the rain, and the people we've met. It has been a great year and a half. It's hard to believe it's only been that long, since Seattle rapidly became the home of our hearts.

We made a tough decision during this past week or so. We've decided to move to Utah. The decision was entirely made with our family in mind. We would love to stay, but it makes sense to move from a financial standpoint, as well as the advantage of having so much family in Utah. Work has presented Jeff with an opportunity to transfer his job (since they're closing his department in Bellevue), and my job location is quite flexible, so I can transfer as well. Though my heart is somewhat heavy to leave this place, I know that it will mean better care for Harper, and more time with him. Thus, the big gulp of bittersweet... We were even sad to say goodbye to my OB and her nurse yesterday during my 6-week post-op/postpartum appointment. They were disappointed that we're moving, as we've developed a special bond over the last year.

I know the riskiness of promising that any home is or isn't permanent. At age 18, I thought I'd only live in Arizona for a few years, then move up to Washington - but I was there for eight (long, hot) years. Jeff and I thought we'd be here in Seattle for a very very long time, but it looks like we'll be leaving just shy of two years. I'd like to say that we'll be back after about five years or so, but only time will tell. They say everything changes when you have a baby... and that includes the degree of sacrifices and compromises you're willing to make. Honestly, it is all worth it.

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