Saturday, January 31, 2009

Please don't wake me, no don't shake me...

It was such a long week. I am not a morning person, and have been known to sleep through alarms or even police chases outside my bedroom window (ask Kristen). I'm proud to say that I was great about being on time to work, though I must admit that I was rushed almost every morning to get out of the door. This early shift has worn on me already. Both Jeff and I have been tired as a result of this new routine. Hopefully we'll get used to it.

Thank goodness it is the weekend. I am sad that 1- Saturday is the only day off Jeff and I share, and 2- Harper has to go back to day care on Monday. (Oh and 3- I have to work from home for a couple of hours on Sunday morning - yuck). Thankfully, as seen in these pictures, I was able to visit Harper every day on my lunch break. He got a belly full of milk, cuddles, smiles, and playtime with his mama.

There have been quite a few runny noses in the baby room there, so my poor little guy has a cold now. Though he had one a few weeks ago, this one has a raspy, sad sounding cough to go with the runny nose. I think he's sleeping it off, as he's been taking long daytime naps, which aren't very common for him. Illness exposure is definitely one of the worst parts about daycare.

Each time I pull into that daycare parking lot, I am anxious to know what I'll find when I walk through the doors. Sometimes I'm greeted by frantic screaming, while other times he is completely content, or even in a happy, playful mood. So I know daycare isn't all bad - I just wish it wasn't necessary.

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Manic Monday

Yesterday was my first full day back at work, and Harper's first time at day care. While returning to work last week was difficult, leaving Harper with strangers tugged even harder on my heart strings. I'm pretty sure we both spent much of the day lonely for each other

I spent my lunch hour with him when he ate, napped, and cuddled with me. It was so wonderful. I also had the chance to chat with one of the women who work there. I got a much more positive first impression of her than the afternoon caregiver. Hopefully she'll grow on me.

When it came time to pick him up, I walked through the door, and he was screaming in the swing. It just about broke my heart. My mind understands that he gets unhappy like that at home, too... but my heart does not compute logic. I immediately scooped him into my arms, where he settled into those sad short inhalations of breath. My poor little man. The caregiver thought he had painful gas, but really he just wanted his mama. Plus, he had only eaten a little bit of his bottle (I'm sure he was hungry and sleepy), so I gave him the rest before we left. Though he wouldn't take it from the caregiver, he didn't protest except when I took the bottle from his mouth. The entire time he ate, he gazed at me - as if to frantically (but silently) lament, "Mama, where have you been? I needed you".

Surprisingly, the worst part of the experience came when we finally got home and I fed him again. I was holding him close when I noticed something awful - he smelled like someone else. I cried and cried, knowing that I would no longer be there for every tear and every smile. Everyone says it gets easier, but I'm not sure when this sadness will numb.

Really, he was only at day care for about 3 or so hours by himself (since I was there for about an hour). Despite our separation, it took no time at all to reconnect. I fed him a few times (more than I normally would), and gave him some of his yummy baby rice cereal. He loves his cereal. He smiles and grabs for the bowl and spoon while he eats.

So today we have to do this day care yuckiness all over again. I know it is just as hard on Jeff since he's the one that leaves him there each day. At least Harper is only five minutes away, and only there part time. I can't imagine having to leave him there all day. I'm grateful that my wonderful husband was willing to work a later shift to make that happen. He's the best husband, and the best daddy.


Wednesday, January 21, 2009


"I'm not going to lie to you.... it's awful!" I'm not sure how many times I heard that from other moms when I talked about my impending return to work. Today was the day. D-day, if you will. Or, C-day for all the crying.

The alarm clock began its NPR chatter too soon at 430. By that time, I had already brought my Bubba in bed to feed him since he had woken up at about 3. He probably just wanted his binky, but part of me wanted to imagine that he sensed we'd be apart today. When the second alarm went off at 530, it was obvious he didn't want me (breakfast) to go. I reluctantly did a switcheroo and gave him his binky. After a tearful and quiet kiss goodbye to my two men, I was on my way. We won't talk about the fact that I had to run back to get my badge for work. /Bonk self on head!

After four desk changes, I finally tracked down my permanent new desk. Hello, anonymity! It was great to see the people that I do know in SLC, but for the most part I'm not familiar with those that work in my area. We'll see how long that lasts. The peace and quiet is kind of nice. I'm so grateful that there is a nearby "Wellness Room" for me to pump in. It has a locking door, comfy chair, dim lights, a refrigerator, and sink with dish soap. Most of my tears came during those quiet, lonely pumping sessions, when all I could think of was how I longed for my little baby.

I really wish I could work part time. I feel more comfortable leaving him with Jeff than anyone else. Hopefully this arrangement won't last too long. Around 8am, I was missing Harper and our fun morning time (my favorite part of day), so Jeff sent me the below picture. Though it brought on some tears, it also warmed my heart to know that he was laughing and smiling. Yes, that is a laugh, not a cry. :) He really is the happiest baby.


Tuesday, January 20, 2009

One More Day

Today is my last day as a stay-at-home mom (and Harper's 5-month birthday). This morning, Jeff and I attempted a "trial run" of what we'll be going through each day to get ourselves, Harper, and the dogs ready each day. In order to be at work by 7am each day, I'll have to leave at about 6. This means I'll have to get up at about 430 every morning to make sure Harper has enough time for breakfast (his slowest feeding) while still giving myself time to get ready too. Our trial didn't go so well this morning since we didn't get to sleep until a bit after midnight. We spent most of the time in bed looking for the snooze button. I'm sure we'll find our groove; it will just take awhile to get into the swing of things.

I'll never forget this time I've shared with Harper, and will never take our precious shared moments for granted. The road ahead will be emotionally and physically challenging. Fortunately, I have the best inspiration I could ever ask for - my happy, loving, goofy, adorable, baby boy.

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

One More Week

Harper seems to revel in lazy couch potato mode. He's lounging in my arms in this picture (Dottie is snoozing in the background). He enjoys kicking back to watch TV, and I can't say that I mind joining him. When he's lounging on his own, it gives me a rare but welcome opportunity to be hands free.

So, I return to work in one week. I'll work the first Wed - Fri as half days, then will go back full time the following week. I'm filled with a kind of anxiety that I haven't experienced before. I won't go into lengthy, expressive detail... but I will say that it is no bueno. :( I am indeed fortunate that I've had off this much time. Many new mothers go back to work after six weeks, while Harper will be five months old. Of course it could be argued that many societies provide mamas with a much more substantial amount of time off of work, while others allow mama to take baby to the workplace.

For now, I'm cherishing every precious moment of this last week of non-stop Harper-time.

Saturday, January 10, 2009

Nom Nom Nom

We purchased some solid food feeding necessities while we were out and about yesterday. Out of curiosity, I put a spoon in Harper's mouth to see what he would do. He did really well in the test run, so we decided to go for the real thing. Once we put the baby cereal (organic, of course) to his mouth, he seemed a little unsure (as you can see in the second picture). But after a few bites, he was hooked! His tongue thrust reflex is pretty much gone, as I suspected because just in the last couple of days, he's been playing with his tongue. I think he's been trying to figure out what it's for. He definitely figured that out last night.


Thursday, January 8, 2009

Rollie Pollie

A couple of days ago, Harper rolled from his back to his belly! He has been rolling from his back to his side for quite some time now, but finally achieved the 180 degree roll. I was using our Wii Fit while Harper was on his gym that we had set up in the "L" of the couch. I looked over, only to find him on his belly - practically rolled off of the couch. I wasn't all that excited about it until the immediate panic subsided. A couple seconds later and he seriously would have rolled onto the floor. I'm glad we had the gym set up, because he was more or less hanging on by one of the gym's bars. He's definitely on the move, now; there's no turning back. :) He also is getting closer and closer to sitting up by himself, which will be super exciting.

We're guilty of not giving him enough tummy time. He has always hated it, and just cries the entire time. The new pediatrician said that we should treat it like daily medicine. Sigh... I know we especially should now that he's close to crawling. However, maybe he'll be like me when I was a baby and just want to roll everywhere anyway. My mom likes to tell a story about how when I was a baby, I didn't like to crawl, so elected to roll instead. Her theory is that I didn't like the feel of it on my knees. Sounds like a bit prissy to me. ;)

I'm posting this late at night because I can't sleep at all! I think a cold is passing through everyone in the house. My nose is runny and stuffed at the same time, and my throat is killing me. Jeff has the same symptoms, and even poor Harper is sounding stuffed up. It's his first symptom of being sick ever. I'm so thankful that he is so healthy, and that this is just a minor little thing. There are some sore throats and coughing going on in the household upstairs, too. Hopefully we'll all just be sick at the same time instead of passing it back and forth for a prolonged period of time.

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