"I'm not going to lie to you.... it's awful!" I'm not sure how many times I heard that from other moms when I talked about my impending return to work. Today was the day. D-day, if you will. Or, C-day for all the crying.
The alarm clock began its NPR chatter too soon at 430. By that time, I had already brought my Bubba in bed to feed him since he had woken up at about 3. He probably just wanted his binky, but part of me wanted to imagine that he sensed we'd be apart today. When the second alarm went off at 530, it was obvious he didn't want me (breakfast) to go. I reluctantly did a switcheroo and gave him his binky. After a tearful and quiet kiss goodbye to my two men, I was on my way. We won't talk about the fact that I had to run back to get my badge for work. /Bonk self on head!
After four desk changes, I finally tracked down my permanent new desk. Hello, anonymity! It was great to see the people that I do know in SLC, but for the most part I'm not familiar with those that work in my area. We'll see how long that lasts. The peace and quiet is kind of nice. I'm so grateful that there is a nearby "Wellness Room" for me to pump in. It has a locking door, comfy chair, dim lights, a refrigerator, and sink with dish soap. Most of my tears came during those quiet, lonely pumping sessions, when all I could think of was how I longed for my little baby.
I really wish I could work part time. I feel more comfortable leaving him with Jeff than anyone else. Hopefully this arrangement won't last too long. Around 8am, I was missing Harper and our fun morning time (my favorite part of day), so Jeff sent me the below picture. Though it brought on some tears, it also warmed my heart to know that he was laughing and smiling. Yes, that is a laugh, not a cry. :) He really is the happiest baby.