Sometimes, I feel a bit helpless about our situation. We make the best of it, and enjoy our family time, but I sure hate when I feel like I have to choose between my two kids. Norah's situation is obviously critical, so Jeff and I do everything possible to meet her needs. But sometimes I worry that Harper has bad feelings about the whole ordeal. I feel like he thinks that we are choosing Norah over him.
Every once in awhile, he'll tell me that he just wants to stay home with me. He tells me that he doesn't want to go to the hospital. He doesn't want to go to play with his cousins. He just wants to stay home. Sometimes he says, "Did you know that someday Norah will get to come home?" We're all looking forward to that day... but he is especially looking forward to it. He craves a "normal" life just like the rest of us.
I know I'm not actually making a choice between my two children, but sometimes it feels that way. My sweet buddy tries so hard to go with the flow, but it doesn't come easily with a personality like his. So when he says he wants to go see his "beautiful baby girl Norah", it is tough to refuse.
I'm pretty sure he's come down with Norah's rhinovirus. Though it is rampant everywhere, we like to take precautions in the hospital. We don't want anyone to get sick on our account, especially the sweet kiddos and their families at Primary Children's. I told him that the only way he could come today, was if he wore a mask and kept his hands clean while we walked through the hospital. And with that, I present Harper, doing something I never thought he would do, wear a mask. Trust me, this is a HUGE deal for him. And yes, I made him put it up over his nose after the photo was taken.
Every once in awhile, he'll tell me that he just wants to stay home with me. He tells me that he doesn't want to go to the hospital. He doesn't want to go to play with his cousins. He just wants to stay home. Sometimes he says, "Did you know that someday Norah will get to come home?" We're all looking forward to that day... but he is especially looking forward to it. He craves a "normal" life just like the rest of us.
I know I'm not actually making a choice between my two children, but sometimes it feels that way. My sweet buddy tries so hard to go with the flow, but it doesn't come easily with a personality like his. So when he says he wants to go see his "beautiful baby girl Norah", it is tough to refuse.
I'm pretty sure he's come down with Norah's rhinovirus. Though it is rampant everywhere, we like to take precautions in the hospital. We don't want anyone to get sick on our account, especially the sweet kiddos and their families at Primary Children's. I told him that the only way he could come today, was if he wore a mask and kept his hands clean while we walked through the hospital. And with that, I present Harper, doing something I never thought he would do, wear a mask. Trust me, this is a HUGE deal for him. And yes, I made him put it up over his nose after the photo was taken.
I imagine all mothers get this guilty feeling from time to time. But I can't imagine the tug-of-war your heart strings have to handle everyday. I can relate on a different level. Sometimes I want to be alone and be sad and I feel so guilty because it's unfair to Finn. I fear we will never be as close as we were pre-accident and I've lost that also.
ReplyDeleteI wish you healthy, healing thoughts for your sweet precious family and I hope when Norah comes home you all never have to worry about anything for the rest of your days. You guys deserve peace of mind more than anybody I know. Thinking of you always!