Lately

My heart has been a bit heavy lately, which, I suppose is why I haven't been writing much. Sometimes I grow tired of my whining. I really don't want to throw a pity-party for myself. I really am trying to make the best of things. But sometimes it is just so difficult. Sometimes I just can't seem to pull myself up and out of this funk. Jeff, Harper, and Norah help, of course. They help me see and feel that things really will be okay. They remind me to not only look to the future for when we will all be together under one roof - but they remind me that living for today is important, too.

We are getting ready for Harper to start kindergarten in the fall. He didn't go to pre-school. He didn't really go to day care except for those few months when I returned to work from maternity leave then promptly quit my job. We've been getting him ready with "homework", as well as talking to him about what school is like and driving by it a couple times a week. Next week we'll be visiting for "kindergarten round-up". He has some pretty intense social anxieties, but I think he will be fine, so long as we continue to support him.

Norah is so fun lately. She's going through a mama's girl phase (shhh don't tell Jeff). When I reach my hands out for her, she gets the biggest smile on her face, and reaches towards me. Often times, when someone else is holding her, she reaches out for me and begins to cry her sad, silent cry. It's difficult to resist. When I hold her, she loves to wiggle down my lap until she's laying across my legs. It's her new favorite. She also loves to hang her head off my lap like a crazy girl. She is such a toddler, and I am loving every moment of it.

Our visits seem far too short lately. They're very fulfilling, but I always leave in want of more. I see sadness on her face when I leave. Now and then she cries. It breaks me. So I'm doing my best to live for today, but it isn't easy.